Intuition, Lessons Learned & Saving the Diva
She wears a different flower in her hair every day for my dad, her soul mate who passed away.
A little over a year ago I had finished painting almost all the outside windows of my home when that still, small voice within my belly urged me top get off the ladder and call my mom. "What ! " I thought " I only have 1 window left and and a few brush strokes to finish the current window." The inner calm of silence before a great storm urged "Now." I was dripping in haint blue, not exactly in a position to run into the house and make a call to the mt mom, a.k.a. The Diva. I has just spoken to her a couple hours ago to make sure she was up and getting dressed. She had to go out later with my siblings for her birthday so I felt there was no rush to get down but I made a promise to myself to listen to my body. All the mistakes I ever made in my life came down to one single thing; not slowing down enough to listen to my gut.
Tuning into my gut that month was a theme in Mind Body Bellydance classes. We were working on the lower chakras and my solar plexus was giving a steady signal so I had to honor it and do my own homework in order to be a good teacher. My mom's voice was strained and weak as if she just woke up. I asked "Mom are you still in bed?" She let out a strained, angry series of "No. no no." "Mom, where are you ? Are you lying down ? Your voice is really off." As I urged her to speak more and more and she sounded like she was losing her breath. All the lights went on in my body to maintain full awareness. She fought me on calling the ambulance. I know she really missed my dad, her soul mate who passed a couple years earlier. I knew the severity of her depression and her wishes but I couldn't let it be.
A year after her near death experience the Diva enjoys a vegan feast at a Fashionista Exchange party in her honor.
Fast Forward. Paramedics break through the locked steel door. I am on my way to the hospital making calls to my family who all said they had just spoken to her with 15-30 minutes of me calling her and she was fine and sounded good to them. My brother and sister were livid with me for calling 911 until they saw the blood bath past the broken door of her home. More blood soaked the couch, trailed up the stairway walls to a completely blood soaked mattress and box spring. It looked like she had been attacked but the medical team said had a bleed out. She had lost oxygen due to severe anemia from an accumulation of internal bleeding.
I arrived at the hospital and my first reaction to her alabaster grey skin was that it was too late but this Diva has 9 lives. Decades before she was give a death sentence from 3 major cancer doctors, almost died of blood poisoning, had a triple by-pass, literally died the same night, my dad saw her flatline, revived and she had 20 more years with the love of her life. A couple years ago mom almost died of a blood clot, instead had a radical procedure, lived, sang songs with her hospital roommate every night, almost died a couple more times and now still sings songs every night. What a ride !
Recently after she has a series of mini-strokes and fully recovered she said "You know Hon, I decided I want to live to 100. I think I can do it." "Really Mom ? 100? " "Yeah . Daddy can wait. I wear a different flower in my hair every day for your dad so I can look pretty for him. He is with me. I can feel him. I have to be grateful for every day. I have a purpose in life to cheer all these people up. " She was referring to the very lively nursing home which she had to move into. She has learned it's a terrible thing to lose your home to medical care but maybe it was a blessing in disguise. She learned nothing is more important than being grateful for life and finding your purpose and I learned that no matter how busy I am or how irrational my inner voice is, I must honor it.
